people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
