Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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