I'm so fucking centered right now
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
