I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
