Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
