Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
