Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
