There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
