So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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