mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
time to smoke my breakfast
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize