He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
