So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
