it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
