Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
