He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
