living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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