Only a mothe r could love this liver
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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