Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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