Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
