I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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