At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
