You smell like a Billy Joel song
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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