I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
