Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
