It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
