At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
