So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
