so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
