Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
