He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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