I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
