And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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