Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
