Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
