Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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