would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
