Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
