Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
