Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize