Sry I called you an 8
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
