I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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