you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize