my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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