you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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