He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
