hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
