Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
