Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
