Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
