Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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