AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
