"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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