College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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