Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
