FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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