Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
