Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
