I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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