Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
