shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she smelled like a LAN party
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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