i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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