That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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