If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
