I could make wine with my vomit
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
