something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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