Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize