I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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