So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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