OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
