i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
