i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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