It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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