come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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